To clear things out, let us all put it this way.
There will come a time for us to be confused, to feel like we are heading out of direction, to be left out or think that we cannot be part of a particular so called normal world. Of which may, in the end, make us come to a conclusion that we might lose everything we build, care and love at.
I came from a big group of family. My mom has nine (9) siblings while my dad has four (4). I was raised in the side of my mothers' family where many of my cousins are mostly numbered by men. I only have two (2) eldest sisters, one (1) eldest female cousin. Next to my sister is me and the others are eight (8) of my younger female cousins. The rest are all guys. Above all, I only have one cousin with the same age as I am. To cut the introduction, I have numerous guy cousins. Just for the records :P
Okay, I lived with them during my childhood days and I could say we all jell. I wish I could live in that surrounding longer than I wanted it but my father had this career that we must keep on moving from one place to another. His job is something that needs his total effort and contribution because that's what he applied for, what he took as an oath of loyalty.
This event made me feel randomly. I grow up having this walls in front of me. It keeps me away from all social norms. I could not let my self trust others easily. Until at some point we got the chance to stay longer at one place and started to piled up good memories and bond with people who became close to family for me. I'm in high school when this happens by the way.
I was 12 or 13 years old then when I get involve in an unexplained feelings for someone. We're both in the same section on the first 2nd week of the school year. Also our sisters, which is our seniors are classmates too. Being a newbie, in order to survive the first day of school, you must know at least someone at your year level to get along with. So, what happened is, I tried to get close to that person. Yeah I happened to like the characters I see through that person and thought that Yeah! we could get along.
Unfortunately we never get the chance to be classmate I was move out to another section. As far as I remember I felt mad that time. I felt like I'm a loser. Though I felt mad, I started to feel thankful to the one who put me in the other section. I never really felt comfortable on that previous section anyway. I easily get along with my new classmates and they are awesome. Our section became the most popular among all sections that time. We were envied by them. That time of my life is I can say the perfect moment of a freshman.
Moving back, that person became special. Maybe because we were separated I felt like there was a need to continue what we had started. I want to build friendship with that person, the problem is I don't know how. I don't know what happened to me, I feel intrigue of what was the impression I made her feel. I can sense that we have a connection. I tried to write her, I wrote her a letter. A mistake I shouldn't have done. I tried to tell her what I feel. That I love to be her FRIEND. I never imagined that it could be mistakenly understood and judged. It was an awful feeling. After that, I felt ashamed and mad so I did everything to forget that it happened. I even came to a point that I have to burn that stupid letter we've exchanged with each other. All my feelings for her that time started to subside.
Over a year later same feeling occurred but this time its different. Since it lasted for so many years, she became my inspiration. A motivation that helped me lived on things smoothly no matter how difficult a struggles appear every now and then. She was the center of my existence in high school up until the half of my college years. I never really have a conversation with her because I fear that if I do she will stay away and worst I'll never have her as my friend. I knew that she knows my feelings for her, that's a fact. We're good and I guess its enough to let it stay that way.
In college I met a cool person. I like her. We're on the same college. She just graduated. I was then on my 2nd year and she happens to be our professor. The school hired her after she finished her degree. She's not like the other professor I know in our department. Although she's just starting to teach, you can tell at her actions that she's dedicated on teaching students what she learned in class. By the way she's also taking her masters while teaching. I easily get close to her, I don't know how or when. I guess this was the time when, us, her students were teasing her because her boyfriend is also a professor in our department. We have some common traits that is why I guess we get along together. We're both weirdo, every time we talk I make fun of it. I can't help it, she talks seriously and I'm not that serious to respond so we just caught ourselves laughing and smiling afterwards. I'm kind of a bully I think when it comes to her.
Recently I have these people whom I consider an icons. I've never been in this feeling before. I'm not even interested in celebrities. For me they are just a person like me. The only difference is that they are more popular because it's their job to get the emotions of their viewers because if not, they'd better find something else to do. I find my self following these girls proving their wit and skills from time to time.
Now what? Why am I telling this? What's the point of sharing past events of my life? First of all knowing these people brought inexplicable happiness to me. I just feel it coming towards me so I let it in. Okay, here we go. Is it wrong to feel special with the same sex as you are? When is it wrong? Do I need to condemn my self for feeling this way? Mostly, the reaction of normal people is it sucks, they are disgusted by its nature. "UNACCEPTABLE" the proper term for that.
Many people say that you need to follow what your heart desire in order to feel happy and contented in life. To those successful in their chosen career, many have fought to what their heart says. No matter how difficult it is for them to live a particular expertise it doesn't matter because it all comes to the heart. Why can't some people see this type of feelings, normal? I just don't get it. Personally for me, if you happen to fall in love, a love that's pure and honest it doesn't matter who's the recipient is. Love is love. Be thankful if you receive this. Your lucky to have someone who cares and is always their for you even if you never say anything. Those above mention are the one's I'm thankful of having met and shared memories together. I may never tell them personally how special they are to me at least I happened to let them feel they are important. One thing that's common to those people is they are all smart. I don't need to explain my self, who or what am I. What they see in me is ME. I don't need nor be belong to any label, no one is born to be labeled. I am me and I love it! Haters hate. Go and dread yourself thinking. I'm human. I never cheat. I never lie, although they make me lie. I respect human and nature. Most importantly I fear and love God.
